


Wanna Dive Back in and Relearn How to Swim

by PlatinumSoul



Category: Gintama
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Friends, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Some serious conversations, Zenzou isn't doing too well yet but he will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25754395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlatinumSoul/pseuds/PlatinumSoul
Summary: Sacchan doing her usual stalk- I mean making herself at home at the Yorozuya's apartment, she can't get her childhood friend out of her mind. He hasn't been the most social lately, and that needs to change. So she comes up with an idea to hang out with him. From then on things will get complicated...
Relationships: Hattori Zenzou/Sarutobi Ayame
Comments: 18
Kudos: 16





	1. Important visit

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been a ship that I've been fond of for a long while and its one of the two most unpopular from the 4 gintama ones i really like. I started shipping them in that two parter arc eps 207-208 and when SA happened i was fully invested on it. I hope you'll enjoy this as I had fun writing it, I'll add some tags as I keep updating it.  
> Also this takes place after the manga ends but the spoilers are mild, so its up to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has been a ship that I've been fond of for a long while and its one of the two most unpopular from the 4 gintama ones i really like. I started shipping them in that two parter arc eps 207-208 and when SA happened i was fully invested on it. I hope you'll enjoy this as I had fun writing it, I'll add some tags as I keep updating it.  
> Also this takes place after the manga ends but the spoilers are mild, so its up to you.

It is said that ninjas are cats, much like samurai are dogs. A dog is loyal to their master, being loyal and having a sense of duty. A dog will sacrifice their life for the sake of their master. However if they lose their master, they'll lose their path in life.

Cats are different. As long as it's kept fed, a cat will call anyone master. It is neither a beautiful or ugly life. In it, ninja skills are the only thing worth being attached to. It's a supreme joy perfecting ninja skills into the ultimate art.

Or at least that's how Sarutobi Ayame remembered Zenzou saying it a long time ago. She wasn't sure why those words would pop up on her mind, right at that moment. It had been a few weeks since he'd returned to Edo, and joined in the fight against the Tenshouin Naraku remnants. 

They hadn't spoken since. It wasn't like there was a rush for it, but the scruffy man could at least say hello. After two years of not seeing each other, that's the least he could do. That said, it was awkward to try and approach him for the time being. That was totally fine, she had more important business to do, anyway. 

A noise was heard from below, Gin-san had just entered the Yorozuya apartment. Sacchan was glad that an attic had been built into the apartment. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been able to sneak into it and lay there waiting until Gin-san arrived. She was able to see him through a gap between the wooden planks. He sat down in the couch and started reading some Jump. 

Ten minutes passed like that, Sa-chan admiring Gin-san, wishing she could be sleeping in his lap. While he tried to do this and that, she'd be over the moon. During her usual outlandish fantasies, a speck of dust traveled into her nose. An unceremonious sneeze came out of her. Sacchan looked down, hoping it hadn't been loud enough for Gin-san to take notice. 

There wasn't any time to react, before his wooden sword had been thrown upwards. It hit her right in the forehead, instantly she wriggled in regular old pain. It was all worth it if it was for Gin-san, though it didn't make every rejection easier. 

"When you're done doing that, leave immediately", Gin-san expressed exasperatedly.

"Gin-san, why wont you accept my fervent love?" Sacchan whined in a particularly squeaky voice.

"Shut up, stalker. The only fervent thing about you is your stubbornness at following me around." 

"I just want us to be all lovey dovey, at least carry me in your arms like a princess." 

"Get out", Gin-san pointed at the door, with a familiarly annoyed face. 

Shuffling towards the door, her head hung in exaggerated sadness. Because of that, her mind didn't even register Kagura and Shinpachi's voices greeting her as she left. The world could be unfair, but that was fine. This was hundred times better, knowing that there was a time when even doing this wasn't possible. 

\---

"He's always so cold, and while I love that. It wouldn't hurt if he was a bit more welcoming, right Tsukki?", Sacchan hugged herself to emphasize her statement and warm herself up. 

"If you say so", Tsukuyo smoked away, unbothered by her friend's bad evening.

"Are you even listening, you bitch? This is why Gin-san doesn't pay attention to you" Sacchan pointed out childishly.

"Huh? I don't care about that anymore, you're the one obsessed over that. Besides, it's always the same story with you", Tsukuyo lost her cool demeanor for a moment.

"Actually, there's something else. A dull, blue clothed ninja came to mind when I went to see Gin-san. It's not like I miss him, but it's annoying that he hasn't tried talking to me by now."

"If you want to talk to him that badly, just go to his house. I doubt it would be the first time you would do that."

"Whatever you're insinuating it isn't true, I've been loyal to Gin-san" Sacchan made a show of thinking hard about what to say next. "I haven't done that in two years, wouldn't that be weird? If I go, it'll be to laugh if he's wallowing in self pity", Sacchan laughed unnaturally.

"You'll be fine, believe me. That wouldn't even be in the top ten of weirdest things I've seen you do", Tsukuyo pats her friend's shoulder empathetically.

"Shut up and thank you, Tsukki", Sacchan bounced up and down frantically.

"You're welcome, Sarutobi", Tsukuyo flashed a rare smile. 

The fresh wind blew past Tsukuyo and Sacchan's faces, reminding them of the chilly weather. Daytime was a hot sauna this season of the year, although nights were the opossite. It hadn't been noticeable, catching up with her friend had been more fun than usual. The metal railing they were both leaning in, at one point started transferring cold sensations to their arms. That was enough to make them retract them, walking back inside Tsukuyo's apartment.

It wasn't said out loud, but Sacchan really valued Tsukuyo's friendship. Having started as a petty love rivalry, it blossomed into a supportive camaraderie of sorts. The only decent person to have girl talk with, as well. Sacchan knew Gin-san had always treated Tsukuyo in a nicer manner, she knew that. But admitting it outloud would mean complete defeat, and she wasn't ready for that yet. 

There was no right way to approach love, and Tsukuyo's was admirable on it's own way. Sacchan still needed to find it within herself to accept what was obvious to everyone else. 

"Tsukuyo-nee, mom needs help finding her cane. Can you help look?", Seita walked into the balcony with them.

"Sure, Seita", Tsukuyo glanced at Sacchan, in case there wasn't anything else to discuss.

"Go on, I was just about to leave", Sacchan made a half assed wave with her hand.

Jumping into the street, she felt glad to have talked with her friend. With every new step, it felt like courage coursed through her body. At this point, taking action was the next move.

\---

Or maybe it wouldn't happen.

Fifteen minutes had passed since Sacchan had arrived at Zenzou's door. Sarutobi Ayame wasn't one to hesitate at such a situation. The purple haired ninja's strongest point, according to Sacchan herself, was her straightforward nature. The drive to be herself with no filter, not caring what others may think. She had never been ashamed of that, yet her body didn't seem to listen to her now.

Due to that, her legs had tried to turn in the opposite direction. Following that, her arm was raised twice to press the doorbell only to drop in failure. As her muscles were working separately from her brain, she came up with an idea. As her legs stayed frozen in place, she lunged her upper body towards the peephole in the door. 

As soon as she did that, the door abruptly opened. It knocked her on her ass, at the very least, her nose had suffered minor damage. Sacchan got annoyed, gray eyes looked up to find the person responsible for it. 

As expected, a too familiar mane of brown hair met her eyes. The mere fact of seeing him again lifted her off the ground. As if wings sprouted off her back, Sacchan floated to her feet. Her usual liveliness coursed through her veins once more. 

"What did you just do, that hurt. You insensible jerk", Sacchan yelled with an indignant expression on her face. 

"I should be asking you that, Sarutobi. Are your glasses malfunctioning, making you mistake me for Yorozuya?" Zenzou leaned his weight to the door post.

The amusement in his voice was carried by the wind, as if it was a plane crashing into Sacchan's ears.

Sacchan dusted off her trademark dress, with as much decorum as she could muster. 

"My glasses are perfectly fine, by the way, thanks for helping me up. I could say the same about your stupid bangs that don't let you see. I came here to talk to you", Sacchan firmly placed both hands in her hips. 

Zenzou passed a hand through his hair, awkwardness emitting from the movement. 

"Sure, come on in. Just keep yourself in check. I still haven't forgotten when you and the Yorozuya trio destroyed my house", Zenzou started walking back inside, signaling for her to follow him.

She did so, anxious to be there after so long. The open space from the outside door to the inside of the house was as pretty as she remembered. 

"It was collateral damage for protecting my precious life from those assassins", Sacchan simply shrugged.

"Do I gotta remind you that those assassins were mostly used as a joke? Besides most of the damage was caused by your mahou shoujo glasses. Damages that you didn't even pay for!" Zenzou quipped with an irritated tone. 

"It isn't like a boring single man needs all this space", Sacchan added salt to his wound.

Groaning in frustration was the only thing Zenzou did. It felt as if all the time separated hadn't happened. Their friendship hadn't rusted because of such weak rain. Instead, it had strengthened with the hammer of hardship and loss. It reassured her that recent events hadn't been part of a dream, and the comfortable days had come back to stay.

Seriously, why had her senses stopped working when she first got here? It was surely nothing important.

The living room looked different than last time, even if she had spent most of the ordeal asleep. Sacchan had keen observation skills, and they expanded beyond her work related matters. It really showcased the difference between their pay how everything looked so fancy. Though looking closely, there was barely any furniture or decorations around. It made it seem empty, rather lonely. 

Having known him since forever, she could tell, but it was barely discernible. How Zenzou was trying to not show the sluggishness of his movements, like a machine needing some oil. He must have not been getting much sleep, if any. She should've come sooner. Sacchan could've taken notice sooner, if she hadn't been so indecisive about visiting. Something had to be done about it. 

Taking a seat on the biggest couch, she stretched to her body's capacity. The subject needed to be brought with subtlety, which she may not be the greatest at. Zenzou was very stubborn when it came to taking care of himself, ever since the skies were painted a bloody red. Not once has Sacchan mentioned it, the closest was when she overheard him talking about it with Momochi Rappa. 

Bouncing her legs up and down, he sat next to her. His arms behind his head, taking a relaxed pose. If his breathing became more evened out, it wouldn't be odd to assume he fell asleep. That was until he spoke.

"So what brought you here?"

"I honestly came to see how you were doing."

"Well you've seen me now, so…"

"Don't be rude to such a caring friend like me, that has taken the time to visit you" Sacchan poked Zenzou's cheek with her finger. 

"More like taken the time to be a bother", Zenzou moved his head out of her hands range. 

"Whatever, call it what you want. Rather, as your second in command, I think you should take a break. Wait a few days before fully going back to work", Sacchan cautiously said, worried about her friend.

Alert of his next reaction, she hoped he would be cooperative for once. When Zenzou wasn't able to be a solid boat to hold on to, she had to be the one to keep him afloat. 

"I'm not going to do that," Zenzou said with a tone of finality. His hands went to interlace themselves on top of his knees. 

"Why not? I'm not saying it'll be a long time and it can be some time to take your mind off things", Sacchan tried her best to convince him.

"You really wanna know why, Sarutobi?", he gave her a moment of consideration.

The answer was something she could imagine, but didn't feel correct to take away his chance to say it outloud. There was no way of saying it in a delicate way, so she kept her eyes stuck on a wall out of respect. 

"It's because if I don't keep myself occupied, the memories of the sins I've committed haunt me. It gets worse when I go to sleep, the nightmares appear every time without fail. Each time is as vivid as the real thing; my sword decapitating Kagemaru, seeing you get stabbed, seeing Shigeshige fly away. Only to never see him again, knowing I wasn't able to do a damn thing to prevent that. I was ready to bear the burden of killing a friend if it meant saving another. But it all meant nothing in the end", Zenzou said it all in one breath, in such a matter of fact way. 

"Not to mention, how I have no right to be close to the princess. It took all the willpower I had to come back and more to think of staying. But, after two years of being alone, it made me realize that's even scarier. So I decided to confront my past doings and walk one step at a time. That's why I need to go back to work", he let out a long, tired sigh.

Self hatred oozed out of him like vicious spikes, prickling every part of himself. His head hanged low, and his arms had changed to hugging himself. As if he hadn't done that, he would fall apart and scatter in million pieces. Something that as much as Sacchan hated it, she didn't feel confident enough to put them all together. 

There were no words that she could think of to help him feel better. Sacchan settled for rubbing his back, slowly and gently. He didn't shy away from the touch, so she kept going. Her hand went up and down his clothed back, the rustle of the action was the only sound to be heard. Sacchan was afraid if she broke the silence, Zenzou would close off. 

It wasn't something that she could give some encouraging words and it would be fine. That wasn't how this worked. Even if she told him with all her strength that it wasn't his fault, it didn't mean he'd believe her. She just needed to be by his side, and hope that one day he'd move on. 

"Thank you", Zenzou was the one to speak first.

"For what?", Sacchan asked, honestly confused.

"I'm not sure, for not pitying me? For not trying to sell me some empty promise? I needed it, Sarutobi", Zenzou turned his head towards her for the first time since entering the house.

There was still a pensive aura on it, but it felt less strained than before. Sacchan removed her arm from his figure, as it didn't seem necessary anymore. She adjusted her glasses, glad her actions alleviated him a little.

"Of course, that's what friends are for. So if you're going back to work right away, that means I can stick to you there too."

"Sarutobi, you don't need to."

"I know, I'm doing it for myself. I don't wanna see you moping about, its depressing. If you're hurt, it's just common sense to use someone else's shoulder to walk straight."

"Right, since when were you this smart?", a teasing tone escaped his lips 

"I've always been, you jerk!", Sacchan yelled, pulling his arm around.

The mood felt lighter, like traveling from a road full of pebbles to a sandy one.


	2. Bitten by the love bug

Strolling around town early in the morning wasn't something Sacchan did often. But from now on, her early routine would take a different approach. She was in her way to meet up with Zenzou. Since she had offered to give him company, this was a given. Not that she really minded, but she really wasn't a morning person. 

That was why when the sun glared at her glasses, Sacchan wasn't able to dodge bumping into someone. It made something fall off the other individual, she recognized them straight away. 

"Shinpachi-kun! What have I done? I can't face Gin-san after this", she kneeled and said in an over dramatic way.

"How many times do I have to say that's not me? Give me that, now I'll have to clean them" the young black haired tsukkomi retorted. 

"No one cares, regardless you respond to it every time. No point in you yelling in a written story where your annoying voice can't be heard" Sacchan said in her best mocking tone. 

"Dont say stuff like that, you're gonna cause a rift in space if you keep going. This is why I'm needed, to rein in everyone else's bokke tendencies", Shinpachi failed in not raising his voice.

"If you say so, human glasses rack. Oh, now I'm running late to meet Zenzou. It's your own fault. If you hadn't fallen on your own and I wasn't so kind to help you", Sacchan gave Shinpachi his glasses back.

"I don't remember those events going that way. So you're going with Zenzou-san? Can you ask him if he can let Gin-san borrow some Jump that he didn't get to read?", Shinpachi cleaned his glasses with his kimono's sleeve. 

"Only if you tell me later what Gin-san will be doing all week."

"I rather wouldn't, but he won't shut up about them so deal."

The purple haired ninja was about to turn around when Shinpachi called out to her again.

"Sacchan-san."

"Hm? What is it? I'm in a hurry."

"You seem kinda happier, but I might be seeing things", Shinpachi shook his head, smiling.

"Perhaps", Sacchan said, looking ahead of him, before turning her back at him.

She leapt to a nearby house's roof and began sprinting. Almost leaving a cloud of dust behind, like a race car eager to win first price. 

\---

Inspecting the road below, Sacchan searched for Zenzou with a hawklike precision. The wind pushed her hair back as she jumped from roof to roof. She spotted him talking with someone, he seemed to be joking about something. 

In a matter of two seconds, she launched herself in his direction. Sacchan landed square on Zenzou's back, causing him to fall on his stomach. Taking a closer look, she noticed the other person had just been their oniwabanshu friend Gou. 

"Oh hello Gou, what were you doing here?"

"I was talking with Zenzou, but you're on top of him right now."

"Really?", Sacchan looks down to where she knows Zenzou is. 

"Get off me!", Zenzou exclaims loudly

"Oh there you are, I didn't even see you. I just came to greet Gou, but good that you're here. So, I don't have to look for you", she said suppressing a laugh.

Jumping off him, Sachan gave him the chance to stand up and dust off his clothes. Not without him mumbling something in an annoyed voice about not being invisible. 

"I thought you weren't coming so I went on ahead. I'm starting to regret this" Zenzou placed a hand in his face.

"Now that I'm here, I won't let you off my sight, boss. I, Sarutobi Ayame, will make sure you're okay at all times", Sacchan in turn, placed her left hand in her chest. 

She did her best to appear earnest. 

"You don't fool anyone acting all formal, just do your own work. I'll act as if you're not there." 

"You have guts to say that, no one could ever just ignore me."

"Says the one that always gets exactly that from Yorozuya."

Before she could give an offended comeback, someone in front of them cleared their throat. Oh right, Gou was still there. 

"I'll leave you two to discuss your matters" Gou said, stoic as ever. 

As if he had used shunpo, Gou vanished from there fast. 

Both Zenzou and Sacchan looked at each other confused, shrugging that off as their friend being reserved as usual. 

"Have you had breakfast yet?", she asked

"No, I didn't have time", he answered casually.

"Then we're going for some, right now. I'm hungry too, buy it for both of us."

"And why would I do that?", he tried to protest. 

"Because you're a single rich guy and I'm your broke friend. Besides, it's no good to skip breakfast, it's the most important meal of the day!"

"Got it, jeez you sound like my mom" Zenzou exclaimed tiredly. 

"I'll take that as a compliment, she was a cool woman. From the little I saw of her, she was admirable."

"True, unlike my old man."

"Master was good too, but in a different way."

"The stubborn bastard always acted like he was better and wiser than everyone else. Such a sore loser in 'kick the can' too."

"Do you miss him?" she asked in a solemn voice.

Zenzou seemed to think it over before answering.

"Sometimes, there were still things I wished he'd taught me. Parents are like that, they're gone before you know it. So you have to figure out by yourself without their help", his voice sounded composed, but there was a melancholic undertone to it. 

"He was the first person to rely on when I couldn't do a new technique effectively. So he'd tell me to try it several times before showing me how to do it. Good people come and go, however that doesn't mean you should carry that burden all by yourself. The people who currently care, and are still by your side don't mind helping you", Sacchan said, in hopes that her words would reach him.

"I guess so. It's just not easy to do that, Sarutobi", Zenzou's head was turned to the side. His stomach growled, bringing them back to the earlier subject.

"Right, enough depressing talk. Let's go fill our stomachs", Sachan announced, doing a show with her arms moving fast in a walking motion. 

"Yeah yeah, I'm going", Zenzou's mouth curled into a small smile at her switch to silly movements.

\---

The sky was dying itself a beautiful orange, to the point it permeated Zenzou's hair. Making it look a few shades lighter, it softened his features a little. It took her back to simpler times. 

When they would spend hours on end training together. They would sneak off and steal candy from Master, eating it out in the nearby forest. 

A scenery so similar to this one. Just Sacchan and Zenzou acting like the kids they were. Before becoming oniwabanshu and the leader title were bestowed upon them. Sacchan would giggle at stupid jokes he repeated from the Jump series he'd read. Zenzou would laugh loudly as she'd try to attempt to do some ninjalike acrobatics and fail. Unfortunately, as time passed, those moments became scarce.

The adult Zenzou beside her, was less prone to big displays of happiness. She wondered if a version of the old days would ever come back. That said, she wouldn't try to change him, he was the one that needed to put the effort in. Moreover, recently it felt like there was a hole in him she couldn't fully fill. 

Centering her gaze to a specific part of his face, her mind did a leap. Momentarily, Sacchan wondered how his lips would feel pressed against hers. Pausing, she was shocked at that thought. 

Surely this didn't mean anything important. 

Having been friends with Zenzou for so long, they've been through a lot together. Laughs, tears, and sweat had been shared between both of them over the years. When they became adults, some fleeting thoughts of him being hot appeared from time to time. But never something like this, it was foreign territory. Besides, she had Gin-san to go to, right? 

"Sarutobi, are you listening?", he asked in what apparently wasn't the first time.

"Hm? Something about pizzas?", she responded absent-minded. 

"Sorta, today it was just the pizza delivery job to start off easy. I was saying that it would be better if you don't try to help with it. I can't have a client complaining about cold or mangled pizza."

Sacchan simply nodded, still lost on her thoughts. 

No way she would cheat on him. Her heart couldn't belong to two. She had to be making a storm out of a glass of water. It was just a one time anomaly, didn't mean she liked Zenzou that way. Maybe there was a bug on his lips and thought of killing it with a kiss. 

Spending the whole day with him must be messing with her head, that's what it was.

When they arrived in front of Zenzou's door, he playfully touched her forehead. He said something about the hit from yesterday making her dumber, but the words felt jumbled. It felt like the skin he was touching would burn up if he kept his finger there.

So she did the sensible thing. Sacchan bolted running in the opposite direction, while holding her forehead with both hands. 

Sacchan could hear him yelling out her name confused, but she kept going at full speed. She may have tripped, barely anyone would notice with the speed she was going. 

\---

Some time after she stopped running, the darkness around her felt more noticeable. The streets were emptier and darker than before. Her heart was racing a mile per minute, from the exercise and something else she didn't feel ready to name yet. 

The tiredness in her legs was making itself apparent, not that it could've been avoided. Actually, there could be an easy solution to this. But, instead of considering that, Sacchan looked around in an attempt to see where she ended up. 

A sudden shock came over her, as someone touched her shoulder. She instinctively leaped back and took a defensive stance. Sacchan focused her vision, her eyes having started to adapt to the lack of light. The one to greet her was Otae, upon seeing that, Sacchan went back to her previous calmer state. 

"Don't scare me like that, I thought I saw a female gorilla roaming around", Sacchan gestured vaguely with her left hand.

"Well, if it isn't Sarutobi-san. Do you want to get punched?", Otae asked, smiling. 

"Bring it on, it won't even serve as a warm up", Sachan made her voice extremely high pitched. 

"I would rather not engage in such violent acts after all, especially with someone who is clearly lost", Otae acted as if her last line hadn't happened. 

"Who are you calling lost?!", Sacchan screamed, offended. 

Now that she looked better at the building behind her, it was one she was more than familiar with. The 'Yorozuya Gin-chan' sign was barely visible, but it was there. So, her body had taken her to the place she spent the most time in, due to habit. 

Taking notice of that, she smiled, both relieved and amused. Being agitated like that, of course, it was natural that the familiarity of this place would help her. It wouldn't solve her current predicament of having nameless feelings blended into something unrecognizable. But it made her calm down, thinking it wouldn't be the end of the world if what she was anxious about came true. 

It just meant that she would climb a rocky wall that could become steady over time. If there was one thing that she had learned from the man living in the upstairs apartment, it was to never run away. Face things head on, as they come. If there was uncertainty, go with what her heart would tell her. That was after all, how he was ever since Sacchan met him. Thinking he had sex with her, there was barely any hesitation on taking responsibility for it. And she was grateful that he had been the one to be in that situation with her. Gratefulness that turned into a huge crush. 

One that she thought would last forever.

"Sarutobi-san, are you feeling lost again? You're spacing out, you should go home and rest", Otae seemed genuinely concerned.

"Oh? Yeah, I will. Thanks", Sa-chan replied in a polite tone. Walking away back to her own apartment, it had a more controlled energy to it.

There was only one thing Otae said in response to the unusual subdued change.

"I hope whatever bizarre happening that is worrying her, will work out fine."


	3. Swirling Emotions

More than a week had passed since the panic incident. Things between her and Zenzou had mostly gone back to normal. Not without him asking about it the next day, and her resorting to an obvious lie. He had seen right through it, but for some reason decided not to pry further. Sacchan was grateful for it, as she was sure there was no uncomplicated way to explain it. Instead, did her best to show that he wasn't the one doing something wrong. 

"Sarutobi, pick up the pace. You're slacking off", Zenzou slapped her in the back to emphasize his point. 

"I know that", she suppressed a squeal. 

An electrifying tingle passed through her spine as he did that. She contained her emotions with as much efficacy as she could. It was like a cola bottle being shaken repeatedly. Eventually the cap would come off and its contents would spill everywhere. 

It wasn't just the touching; the almost smiles, the snarky comments, the careful voice he used when he wanted to know if she was okay. 

It was different from how Sachan felt when she thought about Gin-san. Not in a bad way, that's where the confusion came from. She needed to make a decision fast or the sensation overloading would break her in two.

"No fast quip back? You're losing your sharpness", he said with a light tone.

"Not really. In our comedy, I'm usually the boke and you're the tsukkomi. Your memory is failing you", she replied with her hands slightly raised while shaking her head. 

"Gotta keep it fresh once in awhile", he said as a suggestion.

Zenzou changed his posture, to something Sacchan could tell that what he'd say next was very important. She perked her ears to make sure she gets every word. 

"I'm just saying because today is the last day that it's just the pizza job. I think it is time to officially go back to the Oniwabanshu. It won't make any of my wrongs right. I want to do for the princess what I couldn't do for Shigeshige", Zenzou's jaw was tense. 

"If you think that's what you can do, then it is good. As long as you're not neglecting yourself, I'll abide by it", maintaining her gaze steady on his face. 

"You don't have to accomp-"

"I'm going to stop you there. I already said I'm staying by your side until I judge that you're dealing with this in a decent manner. It's a work in progress, besides I want to go see Soyo. I haven't done that in a long time."

He stayed unresponsive for a few moments, as if he was studying Sacchan's expression for something specific. She wanted to look away from his invisible gaze. But, something told her that she would lose something if she did that.

"What is it? Do I have something on my face?", she raised her hand to her face.

"No, nothing. You just looked stupidly pretty for a moment", he said with pure sincerity.

Sacchan's mind went blank at that, not knowing what to do with that. The clear explanation was that he was insulting her, since he had said multiple times he preferred fuglies. Unfortunately, her body didn't understand, as her cheeks somewhat heated up. 

"Well excuse me, if my beauty bothers you", Sacchan turned her head away, letting out an offended sound. 

Opening his mouth to speak, he closed it. Seemed to think better, speaking the second time.

"Nothing I can do about it. Okay, here we are. The last delivery of the day", Zenzou announced nonplussed. 

It didn't bother her at all that he could say things like that and only she would get flustered. Not in the slightest. Blinking, she tried to let that wash away with the closing and opening of her eyelids

Jumping off the roof they had been walking in, the upcoming night didn't seem dark at all. All the lights in the distance from buildings and street lamps would lead the way. As long as the most important light let her stay by his side, she would never get lost again.

\---  
Buying some takeout was the next order of business. There was a place that sold ramen, that Sacchan could only describe as 'mouth melting'. She could almost smell the delicious condiments as she got closer to the restaurant. 

The pizza delivery had made it harder to not listen to her stomach. Seeing the pizzas almost made her give in temptation and grab a slice. What stopped her from doing it was that Zenzou would get paid less for that, it'd make her feel kinda guilty. Especially since, Zenzou had insisted on giving her a small share of it. Sacchan had tried to refuse, but he'd just said that money wasn't lacking for him. So she had gratefully taken it. Not always did she have the luxury to get an assassin job. 

Still felt weird to receive money for something she genuinely wanted to do for him. In a way, it was almost selfish, as she more than anything wanted Zenzou to go back to his past self. Even if it wasn't possible, Sacchan wanted to be the one to make him happy enough to laugh again. 

Pushing the glass doors open, Sacchan noticed the unusual customer sitting in her favorite spot. It was Kagura, the orange haired teenager slurped loudly at the soy sauce covered noodles. She noticed Sacchan's presence, and smiled, her lower face covered in black wet spots.

"Hey Sacchan, come sit with me. You have to get some of this. It's the best ramen in all of Edo", Kagura erratically moved one arm to make known that she wanted Sacchan to sit beside her.

So she did so, asking for her preferred Tonkotsu ramen to the blonde pony tailed owner. 

"If you mean the restaurant, then I know that. I've come here almost every Wednesday for the last two years. If you're referring to the Shoyu ramen you're eating, then I'll pass", Sacchan dismissively replied.

"I've been coming here even longer, I just don't have a schedule for it. But no one has more seniority about it than Zura. It was because of him that me, Shinpachi and Gin-chan found this place", Kagura went on with her mouth full.

She knew who Katsura was, he'd had the privilege to have fought alongside Gin-san in the Joui war. Sacchan didn't see how this concerned her so she stayed silent. 

"He comes here the most frequently out of all of us. It's pretty obvious why", Kagura wiped her dirty cheeks with her cape.

Arching one eyebrow, Sacchan was confused by Kagura's assumption that this was public knowledge. So, she waited for the younger girl to continue.

"He genuinely likes her, but he won't try to make a move since he knows she hasn't gotten over her last love. If she wanted, he would say yes without much thinking. But he prefers to respect her current dilemma. " 

The woman Kagura is talking about, had to be Ikumatsu. It was the only one that made sense, from the little information Sacchan knew about Katsura Kotaro. 

"If it's been a long time that she hasn't tried to close the distance, I doubt it'll happen", Sacchan was compelled to participate in the conversation again. 

"That's true, she probably thinks it would be rude to Zura since the feelings wouldn't be the same the second time. But, they won't know unless they try", Kagura sounded like the host of a gossip TV show.

"That's a given, they're depriving themselves of possible romantic happiness for what could be unfounded fear", Sachan looked at her own nails, making sure they looked good. 

"Exactly, I'm glad you agree. Doesn't it sound like another two people?"

That got Sacchan's attention, she turned to look at Kagura. It was as if a red anger mark appeared on herself. Who did this brat think she was?

"I don't know what you are trying to insinuate" Sachan acted her best to play dumb. 

"Maybe you don't. But hopefully you'll figure it out soon. You're an annoying stalker and also a dear friend. You should decide what's best for you", Kagura drank all the remaining ramen broth directly from the bowl.

"And you should keep your nose out of other people's business", Sacchan yelled out in frustration. 

Letting out her anger on Kagura was unfair. She knew and yet, it was the only thing she could do before the truth inadvertently came out. Sacchan had to blame it on someone for now. Accepting the truth would mean that she would have to face her fears. Taking the chance of sailing through a stormy night without a lighthouse. 

Sacchan wasn't a coward, so why did it feel like it would hurt so much if she made the wrong decision? 

Before any of the two could say something else, Ikumatsu came back with Sacchan's ramen. 

"What is going on here?", Ikumatsu asked, aware of the tense atmosphere. 

"We're just having a girls talk. Thanks a lot, Iku-chan. It was delicious as always. See you around, Sacchan", Kagura placed her chopsticks on top of the bowl.

As she left, Sacchan realized how much taller she had gotten. It seemed like yesterday that she was some centimetres shorter than the purple haired ninja. How long had Kagura been this mature?  
It almost seemed like some people were leaving her behind. Did she want to change that?

\---

Sitting on her bed, with her hands on her small flip phone. Sacchan's face was scrunched due to indecisiveness. It was late at night, and there wasn't a guarantee she'd get a reply right away. She started squirming, as the anxious butterflies took flight inside her stomach. 

The only sounds that could be heard were the cats fighting outside her window, and the footsteps from the neighbor upstairs. Growing tired of her recent spineless moves, her resolve hardened. Sacchan's fingers moved at lightning speed, typing her desired message. Without giving herself any time to think, she hit send. 

Seconds seemed to go extremely slow, her face was glued to the phone's screen. It was fine if the reply wasn't positive, she had just wanted to try. Sacchan looked at the phone's clock, only two minutes passed. The wait was getting painful, so she thought about getting some water. Then, the bell chime signaling a new message sounded. 

Wasting no time, she opened it. 

[Subject: Day off]

{I can do that. I guess some fresh air that doesn't involve work wouldn't be bad, besides you'd end up tagging along to what I do regardless. I've never gone to an amusement park before, what do you do there?}

Sacchan allowed a big grin to appear on her face. She started jumping on the bed out of giddiness, still tightly holding the phone. Calming herself, she typed a message back. Confidently this time, she closed her phone, and tried to sleep with no success. The excitement felt like it would make her bounce like a volleyball all over her room. 

This wasn't a date, but a good outing that Zenzou needed. 

{Don't worry about it, I'll show you all the fun things you can do when we're there! So your sour face will get sweetened ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ}


	4. Acceptance

Waiting in front of the now famous Justaway World amusement park, Sacchan impatiently waited. It was exactly the time they had agreed to meet. She could've arrived earlier but had decided that it didn't hurt to wear something different. A light purple frilled skirt combined with a white long sleeved blouse. 

There had even been an effort to curl her hair, but decided to only do it in the ends of it. Topping it off with comfortable gray dress shoes that only had a bit of heel. There was a chance she might've overdone it, but it was all or nothing. There was something she wanted to make sure.

Taking a deep breath to calm residing nerves, she slapped her face with both hands at the same time. The loud sound made some people around her turn around giving her odd looks. This should be nothing for Sarutobi Ayame, she was a highly skilled assassin, for crying out loud. 

"My bad, Sarutobi. I couldn't find something, did you wait long?", Zenzou asked out of breath, appearing from her right side. 

Sacchan jumped a little from the surprise. He was wearing his casual blue outfit and scarf. It wasn't too often that she saw him with it, but some part of her was disappointed. It took a reasonable amount of time to think what to wear, that she almost expected him to do the same. A pang of familiar pain shot through her but Sachan ignored it. 

"No, I arrived five minutes ago. But I would've gone looking for you if it took you any longer, any gentleman knows that", Sachan crossed her arms, looking away. 

"You know I'm not a gentleman, you're not even into gentleman types", Zenzou replied plainly. He scratched his scruffy beard,"You're wearing different clothes than usual, looks nice."

A slight blush spread in Sacchan's cheeks, though the redness from the self inflicted slap covered it up. 

"What happened to your face?", he asked, curiosity was obvious from his voice.

"I slapped myself", she answered as if it was obvious.

"Finally realized how weird some of the stuff you do is? Or maybe some new masochistic tendency I'm not aware of?", Zenzou bemusedly asked.

"Shut up, I do it all in the name of love. And no, the thing about being an M is that someone else has to say it or do it to you. Anyway we're wasting time. Let's go in", Sachan pushed his back forward, thankful he didn't question it further. 

\---

"I can't handle roller coasters, so we should go for a calm ride", Zenzou informed her with his hands on his pockets.

"The leader of the oniwabanshu can't handle something that ordinary, how funny", Sacchan said with a mocking tone.

"They're death traps, just one screw could send the cart flying somewhere splitting us on the ground", he retorted back. 

"I don't think that's exactly what would happen, you're thinking too negatively. Then let's go to the little sailing boats." 

"That sounds safe enough."

So, they went to the boats. It was very peaceful, each of them took turns to row.  
Until Sacchan splashed water on him at some point, making his hair look like a wet dog's. She laughed so hard, some tears came out. 

Though he claimed it wasn't that funny and took revenge on her, the corners of his lips shoot upward briefly. The unexpected beauty of it distracted her so much, she almost fell off the boat. 

Next, they headed for the bumper cars. It passed by pretty fast. They just tried to hit each other as much as possible, enough that other people just left them alone. At the end of it, they argued over who hit the other most times, it was Zenzou. But she kept going, it was so fun. It might seem hostile from the outside, but it was as normal of a routine as eating for them.

The following one was regrettable for her, the spinning teacups. It didn't take long before everything became blurry, it was a bad idea. The hazy shape that looked like Zenzou seemed to only be doing a little better than her. As the ride ended, Sacchan took three steps before the ground started coming close to her face. He managed to catch her before she fell, both of them walking with difficulty to a bench. They stayed there until the dizziness calmed down, drinking some water to help that. 

After three more rides, all of those were relaxing in comparison to the disorienting cups. They were walking towards something Zenzou had explicitly said he didn't want no part in. But Sachan wanted to try asking again. And by that, she meant, insist until he wouldn't refuse. 

"How about we go there?", Sachan pointed at the Wild Justaway roller coaster.

"I told you that I hate roller coasters", Zenzou replied firmly.

"It's a small one, you'll barely feel the drop", Sachan used two of her fingers to emphasize the smaller size. 

"The problem is that there's a drop at all, just because it's smaller doesn't mean is any less deadly", Zenzou's head fixated in the so-called mortal trap. 

"But I'll be there, right beside you. At least you won't fall alone, if something goes wrong."

"That doesn't sound very convincing."

"I'm sure you'll have fun, you'll even be thanking me afterwards."

"I highly doubt it." 

"I'll buy dinner if you don't", Sachan blinked a few times to appeal better. 

"Alright", Zenzou conceded half begrudgingly. 

\--

Both of them now with their belts secured, the cart started to move. It might seem mean to want her friend to do something he's scared of, but Sacchan truly believed this could be a positive experience. She looked to her left, where Zenzou was stiff as a board. 

"Just breathe in and breathe out."

"I'm doing that, leave me alone."

The first drop happened, it wasn't as long or adrenaline inducing as a normal roller coaster. She screamed alongside most people around them. That was when Zenzou took a hold of her hand. It was a tight grip and she could feel the uneasiness through it. He was most likely closing his eyes under his bangs. 

Sacchan felt a warmth in the pit of her stomach, knowing that he instinctively sought her out for comfort. 

Trying to meet those expectations, she squeezed his hand back. Zenzou's shoulders seemed to loosen, and looked less like a cardboard cutout of himself. 

When the ride came to a stop, Sacchan half expected Zenzou to not be able to get up. Instead, he jumped out of the thing and jogged to the nearest food place. Almost making Sachan trip in the process, still holding her hand. 

Saying something would mean that would stop, so she kept quiet. Sacchan was curious how long it would last, the exhilarating sensation it gave her was also a part of it. It was until he needed his hand to pay for their food, that he stopped. She wished he didn't, even if it had been initiated by the roller coaster fear.

No comment from him or anything, he just acted like it didn't happen. Maybe she was the stupid one for thinking this much over it.

They sat in front of each other in one of the empty tables, inside the small restaurant. 

"You don't like tempura?", Zenzou asked as he pointed at her full plate. 

"Yes, although it wasn't my choice to have it with Udon. That was a strange pick", Sachan amusedly said as she used her chopsticks to grab them. 

"I just have peculiar taste buds, which are totally different from always wanting to eat stinky natto."

"I don't care what you say, natto tastes great. Besides I don't even eat it that often anymore."

"That's what you tell yourself so you dont get disputed the moment you smell it. You should consider yourself lucky that the horrid smell never impregnated into your clothes."

"How would you know."

"Because that would invade everyone's noses in a three meter radius."

Sachan couldn't help but giggle at how silly their exchange was. Meanwhile, Zenzou shrugged his shoulders, finishing the last of Unadon. 

"So, was the roller coaster as scary as you thought it would be?", Sacchan tried to sound disinterested. 

"It was, but I wouldn't say I regret doing it. If it wasn't for an obnoxious person here, I wouldn't have risked it. It ended up being a not horrible experience, so thanks", Zenzou said the last part in a soft spoken tone. 

"I wanted you to enjoy this day, since your stubborn ass took a lot of convincing", Sacchan suddenly found everything besides Zenzou's face interesting. "Oh look, there's a gift store there!"

"Sure, might as well spend all the money I have left for today", Zenzou commented. 

Hurriedly, Sachan drank the last of her udon serving. She went into the gift shop, there were a lot of cute and useful options. Until a specific one caught her eyes, it was perfect. 

A blue cat with a cape of the same color, it was big enough that both of her hands didn't cover all of it. She shoved it in front of Zenzou's face, exclaiming it was the one.

With that, the unexpected occurred. Zenzou shot her a full toothy smile. It was like electricity zapped straight to her heart. As if a missing puzzle piece had been found, something within her clicked. She could only stare in a daze, having found her answer. 

And just like that, the evening ended, the sky having changed colors without her noticing. As if representing how her heart was feeling, from clear blue to a chocolate cosmos. Only thing in her mind was what to do with what she realized. 

\--

A few days had passed since the no date, Sacchan had told Zenzou she had a cold. He had tried to go to her apartment and make sure she was okay, but she assured him that wasn't necessary. There was a nagging anxiety regarding him having an inkling that she was lying. 

Still he hadn't messaged her since then, a part of her had wanted him to insist more. However that wouldn't be like him, it was irrational of her to want more. She never imagined it would be so much harder to be upfront about liking someone, who's been her friend for a long time. 

Taking a look at her stuffed cat, she felt more stupid. This was nothing compared to everything else they've been through together. It's what she wanted to desperately believe. 

"Ahhhhhh I don't know what to do, tell me Zen", as one would expect, the inanimate cat didn't respond back. 

By the fourth day, she had gotten tired of not going outside, due to being found out by Zenzou. So, Sacchan ventured in her pajamas with a purple hoodie covering her head. She needed more ingredients for food in general, anyway. 

Hiding her hair inside the hoodie, Sacchan did her best to go incognito. The best outcome would be to not run into any friends that might tell on her. She manages to buy groceries relatively easy. That is, until she bumps into someone making her drop her bags filled with vegetables. 

"I'm sorry, it was my fault. Let me get my stuff and I'll be gone", Sacchan said to the person, while looking at the ground. 

"Yeah it was your fault, but no one said you had to leave immediately", with that she knew who it was immediately.

"Gin-san! What are you doing here? I mean how did you know it was me? Is it because you can tell it's me no matter how I disguise myself? How romantic", she got energetic as every time she saw him. 

In truth, she was shocked at herself for not recognizing him. All this time, being in love with him and something so simple had passed by her. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't gone see Gin-san for a while. It had been so busy with looking out for Zenzou and her own tangled feelings, that she just forgot. 

The weirdest thing was that she wasn't really bothered by it. 

"Dumbass, your voice. You've stalked me enough that I recognize it. You sounded sad, that's unlike you", Gin-san stated sounding standoffish. 

"It's really nothing, don't worry about it", she gave a kind of strained smile. 

"You know, Shinpachi and Kagura have been asking about you. They also get irritated when you appear out of nowhere inside the Yorozuya apartment. But they don't think there's much of a problem now, if you wanna come in through the front door. The kids consider you a friend", he scratched his neck awkwardly. 

The intention behind his words was clear, he just wasn't the type to say it outright. The old her would've been ecstatic to hear that. Right now, with her eyes full of gratitude, she just led him to a nearby bench. 

"You're very aware that I spent two years wanting you to notice me, a huge crush on you", Sacchan maintained eye contact when sitting down, expectant. 

"Yeah, if you wanna put it nicely", his dead fish eyes looked vacant but it was clear he was paying attention. 

"I've been thinking that may not be the case anymore. I think I may have fallen in love with Zenzou. I don't know if I should tell him, I never had doubts with you. But I'm so scared to lose him if he finds out, to lose my childhood friendship over something that is not important", her voice went uncharacteristically deep. 

A semblance of understanding flashed through Gin-san's eyes. He crossed his arms behind his head and looked up. 

"I don't know much about that. What I can tell you is, if that's how you feel then you should go for it. If you don't, you'll only have regrets. You probably have been trying to make it seem like everything is alright, but it'll burn you out", Gin-san ruminated. 

She simply lowered her head, accepting that was exactly the case. 

"So just be yourself, I'm sure that guy isn't shallow as to distance himself from you if it's one sided. I'm still here, so I'm sure he'll do that too", he looked back and pointed at her. "Look straight ahead, and straighten your shoulders. There's no guarantee he'll say no, stop overthinking it."

A relieved laugh escaped her lips. It had seemed so impossible before, but it turned into something feasible once Gin-san said it. 

Gin-san had been more of an idolized figure and lustful desires to throw towards, rather than actual romantic love. She might've told herself that she loved him because he was so unattainable. Not having to make an effort for the person she had loved for a long time now. It had been a subconscious decision back then, but she had gotten an incredible friend out of it. Someone had needed to fulfill that role for her, and she had landed on the perfect person for it. 

"I'm glad it was you", she said with a fond look. 

"What was that?", he asked 

"I said, you and him are very similar."

"That's an insult to Gin-san. The only thing mop-head and me have in common is our passion for Jump", he said as he got up and started to leave. 

"Thanks for everything", Sacchan did a small bow in his direction.

The silver haired man who she had unhealthily been infatuated with for over two years, simply waved his right hand in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the end, Sacchan has got the resolve but will it go smoothly? find out in the next episode i mean chapter.  
> But seriously, Gintoki is pretty hard to write since hes the epitome of character writing for me lol I just needed to have Sacchan get closure with him  
> If you dont know unadon consists of a donburi type large bowl filled with steamed white rice, and topped with fillets of eel (unagi) grilled in a style known as kabayaki, similar to teriyaki.


	5. Some Pain May Come Before You Can Get Comfort

Everything within her had been ready to tell Zenzou, unfortunately a job had arisen. 

An assassination job, she hadn't done one in a while. It paid the bills, so it was better than nothing. Something about killing for money felt uncomfortable, after everything that happened in Iga village two years ago. It could be she was getting soft with time too. Killing to protect and killing for profit felt different, yet they took someone's life all the same. 

"Are you ready for this mission? Failure is not an acceptable outcome", the voice from behind her said. 

Sitting at the usual spot for this kind of job, her contractor was back to back with her. Sacchan can't remember the last time she saw his face, that was the secretive nature of this line of work. A big gold coin was slid her way. 

"Are you doubting my skills? I'm ready, that has never been an option for me", Sacchan replied with her professional voice. 

"It'll happen tonight, in the aforementioned location. It's up to you if you go alone or with allies", that was the last thing the man said before he got up and quietly left.

Taking the coin, and pocketing it, Sacchan headed home. Preparing was essential, this was even riskier than other times. 

The target was part of a group trying to take out princess Soyo. Their forces were scarce and resources limited, that said, it would be better not to underestimate them. Five people sounded reasonable to eliminate them. Sacchan used her kasa hat to cover from the sun, this needed to go well.

\--

The moonlight illuminated Sacchan's path, though as any ninja would, she walked on the shadows instead. The target's hideout was fairly big, it was comparable in size to Zenzou's mansion. She crawled on the roof, careful to be as quiet as humanly possible. She tried to listen into what was going inside, but it seemed as if they were already asleep. 

A cold sweat ran through her forehead. Something was wrong. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out what it was. Her extra forces should be disposing of the guards. Unless they'd already done so, if so what was this sudden spike of anxiety?

Stealthily, Sacchan got off from the roof and entered the place through an open window. This felt too easy, regardless she went forward. Taking cover before going through a long corridor, she checked her surroundings. Her eyes were almost used to the dark, so she proceeded going forward. 

That had been a big mistake. 

Two seconds into the corridor, a sword headed straight to her chest. Just barely, she managed to move her left arm in the way, getting a deep cut in result. The sword's attack had left a tear in the paper door next to her. Wasting no time at all, she retaliated by sending multiple kunai in that direction. 

Blasting through where her attacker supposedly was, her eyes scanned the whole room. Blood was coming out from above her elbow, bandaging it would be ideal but there was no time. Cursing herself internally, for not listening to the obvious negative signs. 

Sacchan reacted just in time, the sword came back from the back now. Blocking it with a kunai was rather difficult, even if it was her uninjured arm. They clashed like that a few times, until he aimed for her lower stomach. Instinctively, she tried to reflect the attack with a kunai, using her left arm again. It didn't work, the sword pierced her hand, rendering the whole arm useless. She gritted her teeth in pain.

Jumping back a few meters, she couldn't afford another hit too soon. Besides, close quarters combat had never been her expertise. It gave her a chance to take a look at her attacker's face. As expected it was her target, he had been waiting for her. 

The man in front of her had; black hair up to his shoulders, green eyes, and was slightly taller than her. Exactly like in the picture that had been given to her. What got her attention was the distinctive tattoo in his ankle. The Tenshouin Naraku symbol, she glared intensely. For all intensive purposes, Sachan had thought they had all been exterminated. But some remains had survived, how disgusting. 

Ripping out a piece of the lower part of her dress, she used it to make a cheap bandage for her forearm and hand. It was quickly damp with blood, but it was better than nothing. 

Around ten more of the target's allies came out from different parts of the place. Some of them were carrying bodies. At a second glance, she realized those were her scouting forces. One of them was her dear friend Kaori, from the main oniwabanshu forces.

This changed the situation, it was no longer just for money, Sacchan had to make sure Kaori made it out of here. She clenched the fist in her good hand, she couldn't afford to lose someone else. Not this time. 

"They aren't dead, we made sure they are still breathing", the main naraku spoke. 

"Why are you telling me that", Sacchan wasn't convinced, she made sure that the other enemies weren't moving. 

"I'll give you these guys back if you turn a blind eye to our plans, and you report you weren't able to find us", Naraku interim boss said with a diplomatic tone.

"And let you try your luck assassinating the princess? I don't think so. This will be the end of what's left of your organization" Sachan announced in an act of false bravado. Though, she meant every word of it. 

"Your choice. I didn't want to expend valuable manpower on you", the interim leader motioned for the others to act. 

From all directions, the rest of the cronies charged toward her. Kicking one into another two, she jumped off the head of a fourth one, throwing multiple kunai with her right hand. It hit three of them in vital spots, unfortunately she messed up her landing. It gave the chance for one of them to graze her thigh with a spear. 

Retaliating by throwing a kunai to the eye of the naraku who did that, she took an offensive pose. Two more went after at the same time, she barely managed to fend one off while the second stabbed her right foot. It made her wince, falling to her knees. The situation kept looking worse by the millisecond, her injuries were multiplying to an alarming rate. 

Momentarily, she wondered if she'd even make it out of there alive. If only she hadn't been so crippled with fear or rejection, she could've been dating Zenzou. Now she'd never know, and it had been her careless mistakes that led to this point. Dragging her friend and subordinates along with her, how foolish. 

It was a fitting end, just when she thought the sad days were over for a long time.

The main naraku launched towards her, unable to move, she waited for an attack that never came. Instead in the blink of an eye, her target was under a big chunk of the wooden ceiling that had fallen off. 

The person who had helped her avoid certain defeat, was none other than the person she was thinking of moments before. Zenzou was standing on the room's edge, a hole where the missing part had been. His left eye was visible, anger emanated from his gaze, which was turned to the remaining naraku members.

"Don't you dare touch my precious subordinate again", Zenzou said with an ice cold tone. 

Sacchan stared intensely, a huge amount of relief and happiness washing over her. As if a burning field had been splashed with water. 

He got off and took care of the rest of the naraku efficiently. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the naraku leader with his bottom half stuck underneath the ceiling chunk, aim his sword at Zenzou. Desperately, Sacchan grabbed the kunai of a fallen naraku and successfully threw it at his neck. He went still, it didn't seem like he was breathing anymore. 

That last motion had taken the last bit of energy from Sacchan, she felt her body moving downwards into the ground. She was caught by Zenzou, then lifted up to be carried bridal style. Had she been in a better state, Sacchan would be dancing up and down from delight. Instead, she simply grabbed at his shirt tightly. 

"Thank you", she whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

"Idiot, that's not necessary. You just helped me too. And Haven't I told you before? Don't die alone", he sounded distressed.

"How..how did you know I was here?"

"I encountered a certain stupid silver samurai while buying Jump. He saw you when you were taking the job. His nosy ass told me the place and I'm here."

She smiled as her consciousness faded, content to be in the arms of her lovable Zenzou. 

Reaching the shore safe and sound, the lighthouse had been on all along, she just had not been aware of it. Now she was, and would never forget it again. 

\--

When she came to herself, the first thing she noticed were white walls. The white bed and all the bandages around her, plus the tubes going from her arm to a bag. It was a hospital room. Sacchan tried to move but her muscles were all numb, probably from anesthetic drugs. 

Turning to look to her left, was when she noticed Zenzou sleeping in a chair beside her bed. His breathing was steady, and she could hear barely audible snoring coming from him. The way he was sitting couldn't be comfortable yet he still stayed with her. 

The guilty pang on her chest was overthrown by how endeared she felt over seeing him do that for her. 

Getting a need to get some water for her parched throat, she did her best effort to grab a water cup from a nearby table. Failing to do so, it fell to the ground. 

The sound woke Zenzou up, noticing immediately what caused it. Unimpressed, he filled the cup with water and took it to her mouth. She drank it with no hesitation, the stuffy feeling in her mouth disappeared for the most part. 

"For how long was I knocked out?", she got the words out, her voice hoarse. 

"Almost a whole day, you lost a lot of blood. Thankfully, I was able to get you here fast enough."

"How is Kaoru?", Sacchan asked in hopes for a positive answer. Please, be fine.

"She's alive, her injuries weren't as bad as yours. WakiKaoru will be able to leave the hospital in a few days"

Sacchan let out a long exhale of air, relieved that she hadn't lost another friend. If it hadn't been for Zenzou, she didn't want to think what could've happened. 

"This is the second time", she said absent-minded.

"What do you mean?"

"The second time you saved me from a situation I created myself, why?"

"So you wouldn't die a dog's death, it's unbefitting of the ninja I grew up with. Besides the first time I couldn't do anything, I found you after the assassin squad had already beat you up", he answered as a matter of fact. 

"Let's just say we've both helped each other", she inspected her hair intently.

"You did it in a slightly cooler way", he accepted. 

"Or I guess we're both a little dumb..", Sacchan made an act as if it was a big discovery. 

"What is this look? Making a face like you're right. I didn't come here to be disrespected, just when my opinion of you was going up", Zenzou's tone stayed playful.

They might be really dumb, considering how bad they were at taking compliments from the other. 

"Says the one that copied my cool one liner when I saved you. You couldn't even come up with an original one, moron", the teasing tone on her voice evident. 

"Who's a moron? They're not the same and you don't have a trademark in that phrase. Anyone could use it if they wanted!", his voice going higher to keep up with her theatrics. 

"So you're admitting you stole it. How shameless. I might have to get a lawyer for this." 

"I don't wanna hear that from you."

"What could the closet tsundere be offended of? I'm just true to myself", she said in her most sweetly innocent voice.

Then the most unimaginable thing happened. She heard the most wonderful sound to ever grace her ears.

Zenzou was laughing, not a muffled chuckle or a short snicker. A loud and guttural laugh, that bordered between cute and goofy. Sacchan's eyes sparkled at that, his face was full of genuine joy. The heart monitor in the background was going faster, the color in her cheeks turning a furious pink. There was only one thing going through her mind. 

"I love you", she said. 

All the emotions came out in three words, she hadn't intended for it to be now. It was a matter of knowing Zenzou's reaction. 

Beside her, Zenzou took a more proper sitting position, leaning forward into the chair. He whipped his head up and down in a single motion, his right eye was visible. It was a beautiful blue, a sky that she wanted to soar eagerly into. She was ready to accept whatever would happen next, anticipation was written on his rare stare. 

"I see", was what first came out of his mouth.

"What? I gathered up tons of courage for this? I need more than-", Sacchan started ready to pour her heart out. 

"Wait, hear me out. I had some suspicions but I didn't wanna create false hopes for myself. Every time you seemed excited to see me, go out of your way to know how I'm doing and act slightly weirder than usual with me. I didn't want to entertain the thought only to be even more depressed later. You've been crazy over that silver haired samurai for long now. So I went out of my way to behave like normal and not notice when you made extra efforts for me", Zenzou went to pass a hand to get his hair to the usual look, but stopped himself. 

That had left her speechless, Sacchan hadn't thought Zenzou was that attentive of how she acted around him. But of course, they'd known her for almost as long as she could remember. She hadn't given him enough credit. It's not like his worries had been without foundation. 

"It's okay, you're the only one that matters to me in that regard now. Actually, it always was. It probably took me a lot more than you to acknowledge it, but the important thing is that I eventually did..So does that mean?", she said with longing clear in her voice. 

"I do too, Sarutobi. Through all your pervertedness, exhibitionism, scandalous self. I'll appreciate your ferocious, confident and tenacious self even more" he answered in earnest. A smirk appeared on his face, it looked in part of disbelief.   
"So, will you accept a good for nothing like me?", hesitation permeated his voice at the end. 

All of a sudden, her cheeks dampened. Tears were running down her face, Sacchan barely registered them. 

"Of course, that's what I've been doing for years now. You're a lot more than that, even if you can't see it. Your gruff and self sacrificing self may prevent you from doing that. Your friendly and caring nature shines through, reaching the ones you care about", she wanted to say more but her voice cracked. 

"Hey now, I know I've said before I have a thing for fuglies but your crying face isn't something I want to cause", there was warmth underneath the worry in his voice. 

"What if they're tears of joy?", she laughed with no restraint. 

"Then that's a different story", he extended a hand towards her.

Taking it without hesitation, she turned the gesture into a tight hug. He smelled like lavender and orange juice. It comforted greatly, and basked in the feeling that she didn't need to hide how happy she felt. 

Zenzou backed away a bit to dry her tears with his fingers. He pressed a kiss to her eyelid, next her cheek and a final one to the corner of her lips. It sent shivers to every nerve of her body, she wanted to experience this for as long as she could. 

"Such a tease", Sachan's unabashedly smiled. 

"Never said I wasn't", Zenzou mirrored her smile with one of his own. 

Wanting to jump out of bed and scream to the top of her lungs in happiness, she embraced Zenzou again. His hands traveled to her lower back, then she felt some water droplets fall in her hospital gown. The rain had just stopped for her, regardless she would get wet in his rain if it helped him in some way. After all, she had been the one to discard the umbrella first. 

"Thanks, Sarutobi", he whispered in a tender voice. 

"For what?", she asked confused.

"For loving me."

There was a fleeting desire to ask Zenzou to call her by her first name when the hug stopped. But it flew away as fast as it came. There was no need to rush, they had known each other for over two decades. A couple of weeks or months were nothing compared to that. Sacchan would make the most of all the days ahead, starting anew. 

There was still a hole that she might not fully fill yet, and that was fine. If Zenzou could learn to love himself again, she wouldn't have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done, I hope the end was to everyone's liking. It was fun making this, and while some parts were difficult to write, I think im happy with it.   
> I like to think that some time after this, both of them cut their hair, zenzou so one eye can be seen and Sacchan a little bit longer than shoulder length for fresh start and since she doesnt have the motivation to stay the same for gintoki. I thought of doing that as an epilogue but I thought this worked well, and it would be pretty short on its own.


End file.
